CUL DE SAC

Choose something that defines you well. Your successes or your mistakes, they naturally define you. To err is human; to forgive is divine. Some of us cling to our mistakes for so long, so much so they define ourselves - physically, mentally, behaviour-ly, even spiritually. The most important thing in understanding oneself is to sacrifice those mistakes. Imagine them like a piece of stone and throw them away, just the stoning ritual during hajj. Mistakes are not meant to shape us negatively. They are simply meant for us to learn. And, as we learn, we progress, which by definition means improve. Let go of the mistakes and move on.

Friendship fallout is not new as we get older. When we were young, we shared a lot of things together -- time, food and even bed -- the kind of bond that we may not necessarily have with our family members. As time passes by, people generally change. Friendship unfortunately changes too. All the years and experiences we had with our friends eventually become distant memories. If not maintained well, the course of nature would undoubtedly lead to the death of a friendship. I was once left by a meaningful friendship. A friend of mine walked away -- unannounced. It was tragic but maybe at that point of time, it was necessary. I didn't understand much on the circumstances of it but a few years later, I walked away from a toxic friendship. It felt good. What really transpired such bold decision? As a person, it is an acquired nature to feel appreciated. It is understandable that as we get older, our priority changes but a meaningful friendship should be in our priority list regardless o...

Over the past few months, my life has somewhat flipped from being a teacher to an academic administrator. I have now held the portfolio of university ranking and rating in my workplace. The job scope is not that bad at all. It is a new thing for me but I can swiftly cope with it. Juggling with multiple roles at the same time is quite taxing but in just a matter of time I managed. I have now met a lot of new people and learn to understand a lot about running a university. This has somewhat detached me from my first reporting department - the English Language Division. It is amazing to actually report to two different departments at the same time. Albeit the two demand my full commitment, I strongly believe I could perform in both. The English Language Division is always like a home. I must admit I have greatly grown in these past years and it is a sentimental feeling that I have with the English Language Department. However, for almost six month being away from home and looking at it fr...

Blessings come in ways we least expected. I believe so as I have experienced blessings in probably the most traumatic event of my life. Nonetheless, I have learned so much that I am no longer scared of starting over, going beyond what I normally do. I am just like the mountains - consistent and here to stay even though seasons come and go forcing me to change.

It's a game changer. Most of it is in accordance to plan. Like a leaf grows ever so green and healthy. Just like fate. I embrace every single opportunity given to me because I want to grow. As I grow, I learn. I learn that to love is to give and not to expect much in return. It is almost the end of 2017 and I have witnessed so many meaningful events most of which had my personal touch to them. It is so fulfilling to see important people around me evolving. It is even indescribable when I have unimaginably helped these people to evolve. I become much more empowered in helping others without asking anything in return and at the same time feeling content. I now understood being selfless in different perspectives. That's the thing about growth - you understand yourself better. Give but never expect.

Eventually, everything will come to surface. It's just a matter of time. Just like the past years, 2016 has been a bumpy ride. It was neither easy nor difficult - the sense of balance that keeps me sane. I've learned to love, and that love comes with responsibilities. I guess, in one way or another, I have become more focused with my wants and needs. I've learned to take care of myself and others. I've learned to love and that love is a beautiful thing. On a flip side, towards the end of 2016, I've learned to embrace cheats and betrayals, and that these don't come from my enemies, but they come from my person, my people. I embrace every single thing that happens to me as I have no choice but to learn that I need this sense of balance to keep me sane. After all, what's there in a year without a bumpy ride, yes? Time will eventually surface everything up. All the lies and secrets my person and my people kept from me, they will all come back to me. May 2017 ...