CUL DE SAC

Worry. I believe I may have picked up the habit of worrying from my mother. She worries a lot and when I'm worried, it's usually the deep and strong kind of worrying. Worry.  Jealousy. I remembered the earliest time when I started to feel jealous. It was during my childhood when I got jealous of my brother. I always felt my parents love him more than me. Nevertheless, I quickly got myself out of it. I knew my parents love us equally and differently. Jealousy. Worry and jealousy. When you are worried and you are jealous of someone, could it mean that you love that person?

Moments, little by little, they change us to become a better person or otherwise. I, as a firm believer that every person who walks into my life is a gift from God, am now stuck between moments and the person that I have become. Looking at where I am right now, after indulging in a relationship, I suddenly realise I am very much lonely and empty inside. How could this happen? When I was alone, I felt content and whole but now when I have someone with me, I am just alone. Come to think of it again, God is indeed great. I was too focused on the love below that I neglect the love above, the love for God. Astaghfirullah.